#120: Real Housewives Face Real Talk

Welcome to Court Watch #120. Who needs a proper newsletter lede when we have Bulgarian breakdancers, OnlyFan dupes, death threats, DOJ prosecutors needing the old grand jury files of the FBI Director, and a Stanford researcher making a valiant stand for court transparency?

Also it turns out kids can still have legal representation for a little bit longer. And we’d be remiss if we didn’t note that the Justice Department is now prosecuting [the] Bible. So while every other reporter in the world was focused on tariffs, we were knee-deep in 94 federal court districts and unlike that 2 dollar – now likely 10 dollars – shirt on Shein, it did not disappoint us. 

Your new car purchase might be a bit more expensive than it was a mere two days ago, but we’re told that’s a temporary pain. We take solace in knowing that PACER fees have stayed consistently painful for decades. So bless the U.S. Court’s greedy hearts, let’s show you what we found this week. 

The Docket Roundup

• The first lawsuit over tariffs was filed yesterday evening. It’s part of the more than 150 lawsuits we’re tracking. (Also a much more beautiful tracker is here)

• The heir to the Hermes fashion empire was sued for not selling his shares to the Emir of Qatar. We swear that wasn’t a mad libs sentence. 

• The Justice Department’s Office of International Affairs moved to appoint a prosecutor to support an investigation by Bulgarian authorities into an international hip-hop dance organization. We humbly suggest Australian law enforcement officials get involved, given their country’s storied history in the sport. 

• A “Traveling Conmen Fraud Group” of folks overstaying their visas allegedly took millions from homeowners around the Northeast. 

• Having also testified in Congress on censorship issues (of the PACER variety), we never knew there was an option to sue because of it. Of course, we never got ridiculed by a Congresswoman. We always went with court theme Dad jokes in our question and answer section of hearings. (“Mr. HUGHES: I applied. I am waiting to hear back. CONGRESSWOMAN ROBY: Okay. Well, good. Mr. HUGHES: The jury is still out.”-- transcript)

• A group of money transfer companies say the new Trump Administration rules about disclosure of money transfers near the border will result in weekly reports for one company increasing from typically 9 a week to now 50,000.

• Cornell University’s “Director of Leadership for the Greater Good” says he was fired because of his social media posts about the war in Gaza.

• Welcome to the 100 new free subscribers who found us through our story with 404 Media about OnlyFans’ subscribers being potentially tricked. We don’t know what that says about either 404 Media or our subscriber base but we’re happy to have you.

• A man living in New Jersey was indicted for allegedly lying on a naturalization form about his connections to ISIS. Prosecutors say the man moderated a pro-ISIS channel on social media and sent money to the terror group for weapons.

• Kids can still get legal representation, at least for now. 

• There’s a fight over electric scooters and bikes in DC. Though not, as we hoped, to get rid of them.

• A Virginian woman is suing the Christian Broadcasting Network, arguing that she was passed over for promotions because she is Black. 

• Tesla was sued for alleged odometer fraud.

• Well, that’s certainly a docket title.

• A dual Canadian and Pakistani citizen was arrested for purportedly smuggling U.S.-made nuclear, missile, and UAV technology in order to help the Pakistani government.

• The J6 pardon is only so elastic, rules the courts.

• Kudos to PACER for finding new and creative ways to screw up dockets.

• If you’re a court nerd like us, you’ll probably enjoy this sentencing motion by a federal defender in Minnesota arguing that career-offender enhancements don’t work and are disproportionately applied.

• The former mayor of a town in Haiti was convicted by a jury of lying on immigration forms about participating in what prosecutors called “horrific” political violence.

• The feds have recouped roughly $367,000 of the 11 million dollars stolen in a crypto investment scam.

• A Stanford researcher/Court Watch subscriber filed a motion pro se to unseal the warrants used to search the homes of a Chinese professor and librarian at Indiana University. DOJ has till mid-April to respond, per a judge’s new order. 

• Don’t flood our inbox quite yet, we promise we’ll send out emails next week about the PACER trainings for new paid subscribers. 

• The Justice Department had to ask a judge to unseal records related to FBI Director Kash Patel’s grand jury testimony in the January 6th case because when they “attempted to obtain the records at issue from colleagues at the Department of Justice,” they realized that the people who knew were no longer working at Justice.

• You can only file one vexatious lawsuit in South Dakota before they get mad at you.

• Two Iranian men were charged for purportedly trying to help the IRGC obtain US-made drone technology.

• Our song of the week for your rainy day.  

• A military contractor pled guilty in Texas to deleting text messages during an antitrust investigation into whether the contractor rigged prices for maintenance and repair costs with the U.S. Army of Engineers.

• TikTok Global is suing TikTok Inc. and no reporter noticed yet. 

• “THUGGERDAILY” had to come back out of retirement. Though not for very long.

• A new class action was filed against Elon Musk for allegedly not paying canvassers $100 for each registered voter in Pennsylvania who signed a petition on free speech in October 2023.

• As a federal judge concluded this week: “Most of the women in the Real Housewives franchise openly or privately suffer from mental illness, addiction, and personality disorders.” We honestly thought that was a requirement to audition.

• Former solicitor general Neal Katyal is involved in a new lawsuit against members of the Nevada Gaming Control Board for allegedly restricting betting platform Kalshi.

• It’s probably never wise to respond to scam texts but definitely don’t follow them to WhatsApp.

• That feeling when you have to sign a privacy waiver for your information when you’ve FOIA’d the FBI and the DOJ to release the information they have on you.

• A Massachusetts man was arrested after he allegedly called the home of a prominent federal official and threatened to kill their spouse.

• Speaking of Massachusetts, the state’s Executive Office of the Trial Court and ICE are testing the boundaries of federalism. The Executive Office is suing an ICE agent after they were found in contempt by a state court for allegedly arresting a defendant who was an undocumented immigrant and on trial in state court.

• A Trump supporter is suing Iron Mountain, saying the government contractor fired him when they saw him wear a company visor at a Trump rally (the assassination attempt in Pennsylvania rally).

Thanks for reading. Since you got this far, we’ll give you a heads-up. Next week, we’ll have a special piece out by our very own Peter Beck looking at sovereign citizen litigants.