Welcome to Court Watch #190. There was a lot going on in the U.S. court system this week. In the words of one First Circuit judge, “We’ll fill in the deets shortly, but the SparkNotes is this…”
We got cartels, threats, YouTube influencers, weaponized drones, Marine anarchists, NBA gambling, illegal vapes, and an AI that talks to you in the voice of the person you’re stalking. Among other things from the dockets.
To steal the language of one federal prosecutor this week, it’s “a veritable cornucopia of related criminal conduct.”
The Docket Roundup
In a first window into our coming dystopian hellhole, an AI agent pitched us to write for Court Watch. We’ve asked ‘him’ where he went to law school. No response yet. Freelancers can be so flighty.
We know there’s a lot going on, but seriously, is no one going to notice that prosecutors in Texas have secured an indictment against an allegedly high-ranking Tren de Aragua leader, Luis Saúl Pérez Nieto, with running multi-country money laundering and drug smuggling operations?
A Nebraska man allegedly tried to get a small bomb through TSA at the Omaha airport. The man reportedly told law enforcement he’s not sure how it ended up in his bag.
We have all the Kyrsten Sinema tea.
Prosecutors asked for the maximum sentence of 20 years for a man who an Eastern Virginia jury split on different counts about his level of complicity in the Abbey Gate bombing in 2021.
On this 25th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, we reup our quick reflection from O’Hara’s pub.
Curious about how busy the appellate lawyers in the Justice Department’s Civil Division are? Well, the attorneys arguing in a case involving the U.S. Institute of Peace gave a rundown.
Conservative YouTuber Nick Shirley sued the state of California over a law that’s been nicknamed the “Stop Nick Shirley Act.”
A professional gambler who was allegedly involved in an NBA rigging scheme is set to plead guilty.
The government and federal defenders are getting nitpicky about an Iran-backed militia commander’s jailhouse diet.
If you’re curious how to ask for a pardon, Pete Rose, Sirhan Sirhan, and a few of the Watergate defendants can show you the ropes thanks to American Oversight.
Chainsaws, alcohol, and arson at a family member’s cabin reportedly all happened in this wild ride before a man bicycled his way into the back of a truck.
“The Court can't determine whether the government's representations are unreliable because of deliberate misrepresentation or mere ineptitude. But either way, the Court won’t be fooled again. Based on the record before the Court, there is no basis to find a significant likelihood that the petitioner will actually be removed in the reasonably foreseeable future,” writes Senior U.S. District Judge John Gerrard in an immigration case out of Nebraska.
Do not bet your wallet on online business advertisements or to prove your love to women you’ve only known through WhatsApp.
A New York man was indicted for allegedly threatening the spouse of an ICE agent. The man reportedly wrote over a social media platform, “Are these your kids you had with your Nazi murder r*pist husband. They will get it too. Never think that his whiteness will protect them.”
Meanwhile, a fellow New Yorker, a 75 year old man with an iphone 12 mini was charged with hoping someone would kill the president. It’ll be interesting to see if this case survives impact with a jury.
Most of the docket was sealed but the judge’s new detention order gave away the details. A few years back, Texas police officers shot and killed a man who allegedly charged at them with a chainsaw. This month, the man’s brother was charged with threatening to kill the police officer he (incorrectly) believed pulled the trigger.
Our entire brand is taking stuffy legal documents and making them accessible to the masses, but it’s a bit jarring to see the First Circuit employ our writing style. “We’ll fill in the deets shortly, but the SparkNotes is this,” writes one appellate judge. Complete with ending the forty-page opinion with “that’s all folks.” Not sure how we feel about this but we take full responsibility for the consequences and influences we’ve had on the courts.
You know when you love a song, and then you play it for your best friend who doesn’t get the vibe, but you keep telling them to just wait until the hook towards the end. And then it comes, and they still don’t like it. So you unfortunately have to cut off all contact with that person forever because they just don’t appreciate chaotic energy music. This is that song for us this week. (Wait till the ‘if I was in your shoes, I would be jumping’). Go ahead and unsubscribe if you’re not finding yourself dancing in your kitchen.
An Indian national living in Minnesota was charged for allegedly voting illegally in the 2024 election.
College students in North Carolina’s Triangle area might have to find a new place to buy their vapes.
Speaking of the Triangle, a man from Raleigh allegedly sent more than 300 messages to a celebrity singer and songwriter with the initials “EC.” This line in the complaint caught our eye: “During the interview, DOUGLAS allowed investigators to enter his residence. Upon entering DOUGLAS' residence, DOUGLAS informed investigators that he created an AI chat bot that listened to everything spoken within the residence, translated the spoken words to Russian, and played it through the speakers in the voice of EC."
A former Louisiana police officer and marine pleaded guilty to being involved in the Order of the Black Lotus, an anarchist group.
Who the hell is using Bing Visual (besides alleged child predators)?
A purported drug dealer in Cleveland ran from an FBI search warrant by hopping from his balcony.
Your pro se of the week was written in marker and claims President Trump engaged in a roughly $200 trillion hack.
The Associated Press wants the CIA to turn over records from its investigation into a former case officer who was convicted of assaulting dozens of women.
There’s an interesting case in the Northern District of Georgia in which a plaintiff is seeking a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction over pretextual traffic stops for immigration arrests.
7-Eleven means business when it comes to its franchisees.
A judge signed off on the Justice Department and the state of Kansas reaching a consent judgment in a case over tuition benefits for undocumented residents, despite the governor and an outside nonprofit trying to intervene.
What’s worse than dealing with accountants? Well, how about (allegedly) fake accountants who raise millions in VC money?
A Louisiana man was indicted for allegedly posting threats to commit a school shooting and racist tweets.
WWE legend Ric Flair sued a digital talent agency, claiming the company duped him into signing away his image and likeness for promises of six-figure monthly earnings. Our friend Justin Rohrlich at the Independent has the write-up. (editor’s note: Peter would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Flair formally for being kind enough to take a selfie with him and his friend in a Delta lounge before they flew to the Virgin Islands for a graduation trip. And to apologize for saying “Whew!” one too many times.)
A Florida man caught a threat charge for allegedly emailing a congressman, “You 10000% deserve to be beheaded and your body paraded through the streets.”
The SEC says it busted a multimillion-dollar Ponzi scheme targeting Christians in America with Ghanaian heritage.
In this week’s worst of humanity, an 764 member from Tennessee, Cayden Newberry, who used platforms such as Roblox, Discord, and Telegram to prey on children, is set to plead guilty.
We haven’t been tracking it too closely, but this investigation out of Maine might be one of the first cases at the federal level of drones being used to carry explosive devices.
Thanks for reading. Here’s an Easter Egg for those committed readers who stayed until the end. At Court Watch, we’re trying to get a better sense of who our readers are and their interests. So we put together a very quick 5 question survey. If you’re a free subscriber and fill it out, you get a free 30-day upgrade to a paid subscription (editor’s note: no credit card required, doesn’t auto-subscribe at the end, none of that nonsense, just a thank you for spending one minute filling out the survey). That will be important because Sunday’s The Rabbit Hole is behind a paywall and it's a doozy.
