#184: An Outbreak of Cyclospora Lawsuits

There was a workplace beating that allegedly involved a metal pipe at a USPS mail processing facility in Philadelphia because a co-worker was “talking behind my back.” In other mail news, prosecutors say a postal carrier in Virginia was bribed for 200 dollars to steal mail for a purported scammer. 

A man who allegedly went around to a church, hospital, and Temple University wearing a tactical vest and armed with a gun, claiming to be a federal agent, was indicted this week for impersonating a federal officer.

The Justice Department successfully denaturalized an alleged Bosnian war criminal. We wrote about the uptick in denaturalization cases in April. He’s one of more than 65 since the start of the Trump II administration.

Folks deported to El Salvador’s CECOT have sued the airline contractors that took them there. 

A TikTok account named “trouble8650” led to exactly what you’d expect.

An ex-FBI agent turned podcaster being sued by Alexis Wilkins, FBI Director Kash Patel’s girlfriend, has decided to defend his case pro se.

The Department of Justice announced that it took down more than 1,000 illegal livestreams during the World Cup. To be fair, we don’t think there’s anything criminal about trying to find futbol coverage that doesn’t spend most of the first half of every game explaining to Americans what offside is. 

Max Blumenthal sued the Department of Homeland Security after he said CBP agents took his phones after arriving back in the U.S. from a trip to Iran.

“Ziz” Lasota’s attorney asked to be taken off the case, citing an “active conflict.” We’re fascinated by the upcoming trial of the alleged leader of an extremist deadly cult.

A judge is beginning to lose patience with the U.S. government for detaining people they’re under a court order to not detain.

A witness to an ICE-involved shooting in Houston asked for his habeas petition to be sealed, fearing retribution.

Someone in the courts owes us 40 cents. 

Our song of the week involves clapping and whistling. Just go ahead and dance like no one’s watching. Though if you’re feeling a bit melancholy, then go with this song. 

The Justice Department’s Energy and Natural Resources Division made the government attorney version of ‘how I spent summer vacation’ and we’re very much here for it.

Taco Bell was sued for Cyclospora. It’s one of more than a half dozen filed in the last few days.

Another man was charged for allegedly messaging minors on X/Twitter.

The feds seized a house in Missouri they say was paid for with funds embezzled from a kids’ daycare and summer camp.

It made for good clicks when accusations became public, but there may be more to the story of a DHS official accused of having a sugar daddy and perhaps, just perhaps, it speaks to a media landscape that should occasionally skip an initial easy layup for views.

“Unbeknownst to undersigned counsel, authorization to file the brief was provided to counsel without the brief having gone through a required internal review process…” is a something we’ve never seen before. 

Congrats to Alaska for having a ten days completely devoid of new federal criminal cases. We’re sorry the streak was broken because some guy had to (allegedly) threaten the mayor of Dearborn, Michigan.

For the record, all courts are special to us.

The D.C. Circuit is accepting reviews of the Office of the Federal Public Defender for D.C. It's also accepting applications to be the next head D.C. federal public defender. The temptation of having a job with a free PACER expense account is calling to us. 

There’s a new case against the FDA over sperm banks. 

Your pro se of the week is a man from the Tar Heel state who calls himself “certainly a brighter legal eagle than anybody on Cable News Network (CNN)” and wants $500 billion.

A Michigan man caught a charge for purportedly attempting to structure his bank deposits to avoid anti-money laundering reporting.

Speaking of which, a bank in Florida is accused of failing to file the same anti-money laundering reports.

Answering the age-old question, if you make a threat on a platform that no one uses does it still count as a crime? Apparently yes. Welcome to one of the first threat cases from Threads. 

A store’s SNAP benefits were ended over a $3 bottle of Clorox. 

The government filed its response to a defense motion in the case of a man accused of participating in the October 7th attack in Israel. In its response, the government pushed back that it should not have to turn over materials about the defendant collected by Israel.

A man with a swastika flag in the background of his video allegedly threatened to kill jews, “gringos”, and “yankees.” 

Litigants in a case about Elon Musk’s America PAC say the trillionaire and his crew are playing games over discovery.

There was an ATM skimming scheme in Texas allegedly run by two men who went by “Giuseppe” and “Rinaldo.”

Even ICE has to pay for PACER.

Attention flacks and prosecutors, we’d welcome an invite to the Department of Justice’s new museum, which released a hype video as part of its grand opening this week.

A crypto company’s pivot to AI apparently didn’t go well.

Florida man threats (allegedly) strike again. This time at the National Archives and Records Administration. 

Mahmoud Khalil sued the feds under the Federal Tort Claims Act. In the last month, he’s averaging a new lawsuit filed a week. 

Always a bit jarring when the U.S. Attorney has to file a letter with the judge about a case in his district and includes the line, “I was not the decisionmaker for the motion to dismiss and I had no participation in drafting…”