Welcome to Court Watch #182. We took last week off for America’s birthday. Looks like the U.S. men’s soccer team decided to take this week off. Unlike theirs, our week off was at least defensible. But to each their own. Our seven-day reprieve from the courts means that this roundup is packed with copious amounts of ridiculousness. From internet memes to AI defamation lawsuits to repeat stowaways, and everything in between.
Unlike a certain American soccer star, this issue does not underperform.
The Docket Roundup
Name any other media organization that in the defense of transparency beat the Justice Department <checks notes> twice in federal court in a week. The rest of the Fourth Estate can pivot to video; we’re pivoting to being awesome. Help us keep fighting for transparency by becoming a paid subscriber or leaving a tip.
Speaking of which, the U.S. Courts announced they’re doing a “modest temporary increase in fees” to access court records. We ran the numbers, if we pulled the same number of records next year as we did this year, the “modest temporary increase in fees” the increase will cost us an extra $3,600.
Every judge in the Middle District of Tennessee recused themselves in a Candace Owens/Charlie Kirk related lawsuit. No reason was given but we’re pretty sure it’s because Owens' lawyer sued the court district last year.
Judge Sparkle Sooknanan signed off on a settlement between Elon Musk and the SEC, despite her instinct that something was off.
Another group of J6ers sued the government. The 93-page civil complaint is something.
A new immigration suit says the State Department gave sensitive information about asylum seekers to the Iranian government.
The Wall Street Journal wants a judge to force a Berkeley professor to comply with their copyright subpoena.
There’s a power struggle at the Professional Tennis Players Association.
A nanny who was accused of squatting in a million dollar house has sued Vox Media for defamation. Eagle-eyed readers, or maybe just us, would notice that the motion’s file name was “CoCounsel Skills Results.” Shoutout to Thompson Reuters AI programming.
Camp Mystic, the Texas camp where dozens of children drowned during catastrophic floods, asked for a judge to let it do payroll after declaring bankruptcy.
Pardon attorney Ed Martin is trying an Uno reverse card in his D.C. bar disciplinary proceedings.
A judge in the Eastern District of New York said not so fast to prosecutors’ request to dismiss a case brought under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
Look, until we can figure out what ‘6 7’ means, we shouldn’t be arguing over who can put it on chicken nuggets.
A man was arrested for the second time for allegedly trying to sneak into the U.S. as a stowaway.
Last year, there was a public outcry after it was revealed that a federal judge teaching at the University of Florida’s law school gave an award to a student based on an essay that espoused white supremacist ideals. As part of that outcry, one woman allegedly commented on Instagram, “I wish someone would in alive him,” which the judge apparently noticed and reported to the U.S. Marshal’s Service. Now the woman’s defense attorney and federal prosecutors are quibbling over whether it amounts to a direct threat and whether “him” refers to the judge and the “in alive” was really a “un alive”.
The South Carolina magistrate judge accused of possessing and distributing child abuse material pleaded guilty.
It’s buried on page 22 of a bankruptcy filing so every reporter missed it, but interesting that President Trump told the FCC Chairman to make a deal with the EchoStar Chairman about keeping their spectrum.
A jury in the Eastern District of Virginia convicted a 23-year-old man of posing as a girl on X/Twitter to message and extort a 14-year-old.
The Feds took 32 dogs from a breeder in Iowa and placed them at a local shelter.
A 37-year-old New York woman is accused of sending over $30,000 to Palestinian Islamic Jihad.
If you’re the type of person like us who has wondered what would happen if a sovereign citizen tried to go through TSA at the airport, we have the answer for you.
The FBI says a 19-year-old helped lead a group of ransomware hackers. Also, including the Sopranos edit in the filing was a nice touch.
A judge declined to grant a temporary restraining order against the State of Florida over its forthcoming state-level designation of the Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) as a terrorist organization. And their motion for reconsideration. Here’s their original civil complaint.
Speaking of Florida, there’s a First Amendment case over beachgoers and no-trespassing signs.
Federal prosecutors in California may have to dismiss an anti-money laundering case after a defense attorney says they screwed up their timeline.
The alleged J6 pipe bomber is not covered by President Trump’s pardons, according to a D.C. judge.
We apologize in advance to introducing you to a song of the week that won’t leave your head all weekend.
Federal defenders are challenging the superseding indictment charging a man accused of participating in the October 7th attack. The Justice Department pushed back.
An Ohio judge temporarily blocked the Trump administration’s new immigration policy, which gave preferential treatment for benefits based on nationality.
Three guards at Rikers were allegedly caught up in a fake check scheme.
A Wisconsin 19-year-old pleaded guilty to material support for trying to travel to join ISIS. And a Maryland 22-year-old was sentenced to 15 years in prison for the same.
The case in the Eastern District of Virginia over the Department of Justice’s purported anti-weaponization fund has officially gone off the rails, with two pro se litigants trying to jump into the fray. Judge Leonie Brinkema, however, says they can’t be considered for compensation because the fund doesn’t exist.
An alleged fentanyl ring in the Eastern District of Virginia was busted. The investigation took some interesting twists and turns, beginning with a homicide.
Texas Tech University was sued in a First Amendment case over new classroom content guidelines.
The Justice Department secured a 30-year sentence against a Lebanese man who used his ties to the Assad regime in Syria to run an international cocaine empire.
We’re a little at a loss for words about the guy who allegedly stole both a truck from Virginia’s parole office and a bunch of chainsaws from the U.S. Forest Service all in the same day.
A former Cornell PhD student reportedly stalked other members of his church, including two other students who participated in a campus ministry with him at Cornell. He appeared to be suffering from a mental health crisis.
Two more men were accused of participating in the plot to attack the UFC event at the White House.
Your pro se of the week takes on DOGE.
On that note, a judge in New York wants DOJ to confirm that DOGE is dead.
A woman who represents herself as an expert on January 6th cases sued more J6 defense attorneys for allegedly plagiarizing her.
An Arizona police officer allegedly tipped off a local drug ring about future search warrants.
The government could not convince a D.C. judge to stay her order preventing the U.S. Government from creating a national voter database.
The feds will take your house if you lie on your resume (and allegedly run a multimillion-dollar investment scheme).
In surprising news, a man with the handle ‘PoisionDartPepe’ was arrested for being a bigot.
Robert Hlovchie, a self-described Nazi in Pennsylvania was indicted for threatening mass shootings against democrats, transgender individuals, Muslims, and Mexicans.
Thanks for reading. For Sunday’s The Rabbit Hole, we will begrudgingly argue for more performative lawsuits.