Welcome to Court Watch #142. As a default, we’re a cynical bunch when it comes to the possibility of transparency in the courts. The folks in the fancy black robes have disappointed us so many times that we’re not kicking whatever football Judge Lucy is holding. Indeed, the judiciary got hacked by the Russians so hard (twice!) that they moved to paper copies for sensitive (and not so sensitive) documents that no one will ever see, even when it’s unsealed. It’s enough to safely assume the courts don’t care about the public’s rights to public records. Take comfort, though, that our hero in open records comes from a seemingly unusual place: Pam Bondi’s Justice Department.
In August, the DOJ took the extraordinary step of requesting the unsealing of grand jury records in the Jeffrey Epstein case. Grand juries are usually the holy grail of closely guarded records, a thing that the DOJ would never in the past consider asking to be made public. And the more cynical readers may say, yes, they pushed for the unsealing of records, but only because it was politically expedient. But we pay no mind to politics, we care more about the setting of precedent. Continuing the theme, this week, prosecutors consented to the unsealing of an ongoing investigation into John Bolton.
The Justice Department is now on the record that search warrants and grand jury transcripts should be unsealed. Pandora’s box has been opened. We, for one, welcome this brave new world of court transparency. We look forward to citing their past filings in our future motions to unseal. We also expect the DOJ to agree to all our unsealing motions. To do otherwise would be rank hypocrisy.
Don’t worry, though. For people who hate sunlight, take solace that there will still be motions to unseal that will still be sealed and judges who won’t rule for months on unsealing motions.
In the theme of sunshine being the best disinfectant, in this issue we shone a light on golf death matches, Chinese fentanyl, liberal congressman’s Republican saviors, Candy Wars, and we sneak in a Wire reference.
The Docket Roundup
The would-be Trump assassin has proposed a POTUS golf match to determine whether he should be executed or become the President. We assume that LIV Golf would get the rights to air it.
The brother of an ISIS adherent didn’t like his lawyer.
Philadelphia's “Unsung Veterans” LLC was a scam.
We now have a redacted copy of the John Bolton search warrant, which includes an inventory of items taken during the search.
The DOJ is suing Illinois over its policy of allowing long-time residents who are migrants to receive in-state tuition, shortly after successfully doing the same with Texas (though Illinois will likely try to fight the lawsuit, whereas Texas consented).
Spirit Airlines filed for bankruptcy; one of the creditors is Scott Bessent (on behalf of the U.S. Treasury).
SUNY is fighting for their patent.
The Senior Computer Scientist and Section Head of the U.S. Naval Research Laboratory took a plea for bribery.
What side were you on in the Great Candy War of 2025?
Stealing hats in DC really escalated to something much more.
Grand juries in DC are big mad, too, to the joy of defense attorneys everywhere
A man incarcerated in Kansas is suing President Trump over his summit in Alaska with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Shoutout to this sitting on the docket untouched for 24 hours before the major DOJ press release on this.
NPR and our favorite media reporter (Sorry, Ben!) David Folkenflik asked a judge to order the government to turn over records about Voice of America shutting down.
A quick programming break — Alas, no one at CBS offered to buy us for $200 million this week. Which is strange because we offer the most contrarian takes on the U.S. courts as humanly possible. Guess just not the right contrarian takes for sons of billionaires to find us interesting to help keep the FCC away. 34 of us Indie Media organizations banded together to do a September drive to encourage our subscribers to read others in the world of independent media. Check out the list of other publications and consider expanding your news world.
The DOJ is understandably super confused why a federal judge would let a guy outta jail that allegedly threatened half the federal government.
The only constant in life is that this guy will be in the court dockets at some point.
A National Guardsman, who is also a DHS security officer, is in hot water after federal agents reportedly caught him with a stored handgun in his parked car in a DHS headquarters.
The SEC says they cracked an 800 million dollar (!) ATM ponzi scheme.
If the youths are upset this week, we can only assume it’s because the FDA seized a bunch of “Pineapple Coconut Ice and Rainbow Cloudz” Elfbars sold at Circle K. If you were confused by this, don’t feel old yet, the twenty-something who wrote this sentence is too.
Let. Them. Fight.
A YouTube account named “CommentatorsHateMe” drew federal charges in North Carolina for its racist, threatening comments. FoxNews went with the headline that the FBI stopped a ‘potential mass shooting at a pre-school’. We may be dead behind the eyes looking at cases like this for years so we might have gone with ‘random shitposter on super niche legal YouTube page says really racist and vile things and gets the attention he desperately craves,’ but it probably wouldn’t have driven clicks. To each its own.
The feds got a new airplane after its pilot allowed law enforcement to search it with 200 pounds of marijuana on board.
Stay away from Louisiana truck drivers.
The NBA takes its logo very seriously. We’ll see if they feel the same way about salary caps.
Jackie Kennedy, or, actually, a woman using a fake ID with the name “Jacqueline Kennedy,” was reportedly caught cashing illegal checks.
Our song of week hits harder than most.
Another incarcerated man is suing President Trump for 150 million dollars for the comments the comedian Tony Hinchcliffe made about Puerto Rico during a Trump campaign rally.
You can’t convince us that creating the Internet was a net positive in the world (warning: serious trigger warning)
The surviving victims and the family members of victims who were killed in a 2023 mass shooting in Maine by a veteran who had severe PTSD are suing the U.S. Military, calling the shooting a “preventable” tragedy.
Honestly, this may be the most interesting terrorism or not terrorism case happening in America.
In weird moments in the U.S. Courts, the DOJ moved to remove Congresswoman Sydney Kamlager-Dove as the defendant in a defamation suit filed by Matt Taibbi, making the U.S. Government the defendant instead.
The disgraced right-wing South Carolina state legislator who was arrested on child pornography charges while allegedly using the handle “joebidennnn69” has opted to represent himself pro se, per reports. His trial is slated to begin in Columbia in a month.
Big yikes.
For fans of The Wire, the feds arrested Marlo(w) Stanfield for drug dealing. Which allows us to link to one of the best scenes in all five seasons (Editor’s note: You should give us credit for begrudgingly counting the dock union season).
An ex-State Department desk officer was sentenced to four years in prison for sending sensitive defense information to suspected Chinese spies.
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